The Game Managers: April 8, 2016: It's time to kick Ernie Els out of your foursome

How to let Ernie Els down easy at your next charity scramble

Paul: “Hey, Wil, can you pass me a beer?”

Wil: “Sure, Paul. But it’s kind of early. You don’t want to give our celebrity teammate the wrong idea, do you?”

P: “First off, it would be giving him the right idea. Second, I’m nervous as hell. I’ve never golfed with a pro before.”

W: “Good call.” *Cracks his own beer* “Who is our pro, anyway?”

(Golf cart zooms up to the third tee where Wil and Paul wait. Man with British colonial accent thanks the driver and begins to unload his bag.)

P: “Shit.”

W: “Shit.”

P: “Dammit.” *Quietly, to Wil* “Ernie? What the hell. Did you forget to pay or something?”

W: “I don’t think so, I think I paid.” *Checks account balance on phone* “Check hasn’t cleared yet. Shit. I told you I should’ve paid in cash. I told you.”

P: “Well we’ve gotta get rid of him, should I just hit my drive? Should we send him to the bar to get another six pack? I can’t be seen on a golf course with Ernie Els, it’s embarrassing.”

W: “No, don’t hit your drive, the group in front of us hasn’t left yet, and they’re playing with Jordan Spieth and I don’t want to look like assholes in front of Jordan Spieth, he’s so cool.”

P: “So cool. Well, what’s your plan?”

W: “Hold on, I’ve got this. Hey, Ernie, it’s a real pleasure to be playing with you!”

E: “Wow, I’m so glad you said that. I’ve had such negative reactions from people after The Masters. It’s great to just get around some good blokes.”

P: “Uh, that’s horrible. People can be such assholes.”

(After the group in front of them tees off, Paul and Wil take turns slicing balls into the fifth fairway. Ernie Els ropes one 300 yards down the middle. Paul drives off on his cart. Wil waits for Els to head to the back of the cart and put his club away)

E: “It’s a beautiful day today. You know, I can really help you guys with those sl--”

(Before Ernie can finish, Wil has taken off in the cart laughing maniacally and leaving Ernie’s bag, which Wil purposely didn’t strap in, falling to the ground, clubs scattered everywhere)

E: “Shit. That’s the third time this month.”

*Roll credits*

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Best of the Rest

You, yes, you there. You could play professional golf better than Ernie Els did on his first hole at the Masters. You’ve never played before? That’s fine. You would still do better.